The Elizabethan manor of Longleat, with its grand dimensions and adornments has a radical element - the West Wing. Here, numerous doors camouflaged by a sweeping mural punctuate a grand corridor. I'm overcome with giddy suspense each time our guide clicks over the key, knowing that no single room has been spared the creative stroke of its owner's paintbrush.
Decor with a difference
The door to the guest bedroom creaks open and a wry smile spreads across my face as my eyes fall on a floor-to-ceiling artwork of naked couples locked in Karma Sutra positions. I'm awestruck at the detail. The ceiling is decorated in bedazzling mosaic and a four-poster bed plonked right in the middle even has a mirror.
The man responsible for this is Alexander Thynne, the 7th Marquess of Bath, who still lives here with his wife and two children. As for his guests, well, prudes need not apply.
Each room takes on a different theme and is complemented by his nephew's psychedelic mosaic ceilings. I'm locked into a sense of wonder. The wing's explosions of colour are a world away from the turgid domain of sirs and viscounts across the way.
The first and the best
Longleat (main image), in Wiltshire, was the first stately home open to the public, and is regarded as one of the best examples of Elizabethan architecture in England. It was completed in 1580 by Sir John Thynne, but modernised in the 19th century by the 2nd Marquess. The grounds were shaped by Lancelot 'Capability' Brown, who is arguably England's greatest landscape designer.
Where the wild things are
As if the murals weren't surreal enough, a herd of rhinos lumbering within the 900 acres of Longleat's sprawling countryside is equally odd to comprehend.
The estate contains the only drive-through safari park outside of Africa. It was established in 1966 with the concept of the animals roaming freely within the 36 square kilometre park, while visitors are trapped in their cars.
Being trapped in my car, however, is not an although bad thing I discover, as we drive at snail's pace along a designated route, past a sign warning us to close our windows. In the tiger's enclosure, some doze in shady corners oblivious to the parade of vehicles, but others lurk perilously close.
During 1.5 hour safari, we encounter a menagerie, including puerile monkeys, fluorescent flamingos, unperturbed zebras, vile vultures and a shaggy, rather moth eaten looking Bactrian camel.
But the highlight of the drive is the giraffes, who crowd around our car, crook their long necks and poke their noses through our window with animalistic curiosity. It's such a buzz and definitely beats ogling them from behind a fence.
Swapping the car for a boat, we chug along a waterway and wave to Nico, the silverback gorilla, who sun-slacked, slouches by his hut on the water's edge.
It's no Serengeti, but until Africa's plains beckon, Longleat satisfies the animal lover in me quite nicely.